I guess I can sum it all up with very general swaths of information: I broke my foot (or rather, I found out that it is for sure broken), wrote another jazz tune, started a new piece (for a friend: solo violin, djembe, and dance), and went to Milan with my family.
I guess that's really the most notable piece of information I can expand upon: Milan. Thursday, Dec. 1st, I flew from Schiphol to Milan, where my parents were staying because of David's business there. It was quite fun, actually! Stayed in a nice hotel (the Carlton Hotel Baglioni), ate at 5 star restaurants every night, did some shopping in the fashion district, saw a few cathedrals, museums, Leanardo's Last Supper, and even went clubbing with some A-list runway models (at Just Cavali, Hollywood). All in true baller fashion, of course! Really not good for me, at least with regards to my ever-present career/soul search: David does a great job of showing me what money can buy, and how awesome it is to have a lot of it! Haha...but seriously. You'll never see a composer flying his family first class to Italy for a long weekend of shopping and clubbing. Neva!
Back at school, it is nose to the grindstone time! Last two weeks here! (not that I have any finals, but I do want to finish this piece before I leave, and I have a few performances.) It has been a real roller-coaster so far this week. My drumset lesson was not much of a lesson, in the conventional sense. It was me not playing and my drum teacher talking about life, career, family, love, dogs, socializing, and day trading. By the end of the conversation, he was all but encouraging me to drop out and day trade my way to a million dollars (easier said than done). Today made that even worse, with our "reentry meeting"; a core meeting put on by IES to try and help us become functional Americans again. They asked us to look at what we had accomplished here vs. what we aimed to accomplish when we first arrived. I was rather depressed to find that the only thing I really wanted was to really solidify my major/career choice, so I could come back to the states totally focused and ready to hammer out the last few semesters. But I did not accomplish this, at all. In fact, I am more confused than ever. I know I put too much emphasis on this, and I would be better suited to just finish my program and find happiness with friends and family. But I just can't seem to, I feel like I need to love what I do everyday; but does anybody? I'm not sure, but I know I need to straighten up and either become the musician I need to be at this stage, or give up the ghost and get serious in something else. I feel like such a shell of a person, like I don't amount to anything. I have nothing to show for my college career, let alone my time abroad. Even still, I have a feeling that if I were to appear as I am now to my high school senior self, I wouldn't even recognize myself, and what a total mess I have become...see what I mean?!
Anyway, I am going to try and cool down so I can do some more work on this piece for my last ever lesson with the great Joel Bons tomorrow. It is truly hard to believe. I will be well suited to be centered and ready to learn from him tomorrow; turn off the mental blocks and be ready to absorb what he has to offer. Easier said than done? Yes. But this is my last chance...
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