Saturday, October 29th. Day 63.

Beginning with a leisurely start, I once again met my friends from Paris to be their designated tour guide in Amsterdam. First thing was first, if you're going to visit Amsterdam, you're going to need a bike. So we went to Leitzepleijn to get them hooked up. Next we went to the Van Gogh Museum. Despite the fact that I had already been to this particular museum, it was still amazing. I mean, how can you really beat Van Gogh? After that, we wen't across the street to the House of Bols museum.

After nearly half a day of museum-ing, we needed to refill! Naturally, we went for the most delicious of Dutch snacks, patats! And what better place to buy patats than Chispy King? Oh so good. After another brief stop, we went back to my apartment to research a good place for dinner. We decided on an Italian food joint just south of NieuwmarktSquare called San Diego. We thought it was quite humorous that we were eating Italian food in the Netherlands at a joint called San Diego. After dinner, we did some more walking around, eventually in search of coffee/ice cream/something. Follow that with more wandering/biking around Amsterdam, and you have yourself one successful evening.

Friday, October 28th. Day 62.

Isn't there a song by some whiney teenager about friday? Anyway, I digress. Today was a most spectacular day indeed! A much needed refreshment! Beginning (far too early) with my jazz vocal trio (that is now a quartet), we actually made some good music and had some good fun doing it (right?). The pinnacle of the rehearsal was when we were getting lectured on playing together, and the director looks at me and says "what's the problem? what do you hear?". I carefully explained that since I and the bass player were both listening so intently to each other, one of us would make a change in the rhythmic pattern organization, and the other would follow. This lead to a sort of one-legged hopping around any semblance of a good feel. The director leaped from his chair and shouted "YES! That is exactly right! Stop listening! Do not listen!". Words I would have never expected to hear, as I nothing short of pride myself on my ability to listen intently (and therefore play off of) the other musicians in the ensemble; even more so in small group jazz such as this. To prove his point, the director even took the whole ensemble outside to demonstrate, by marching, the difficulty of acting in sync with one-another while paying too much attention to the other person. While I understand the principle, I think he was taking it to the extreme for educational purposes, but he got his point across.

After that whirlwind of a rehearsal, I returned to my room to finish engraving the changes I had made to my piano piece. While doing so, I actually managed to compose a few more bars (at the computer, no less) and shore-up some transitions. I was actually feeling pretty good about the piece, which has not only not happened yet with this piece, but it rarely happens to me at all. If you reading this have known me for very long or have been reading this blog for more than 3 posts, you will know that this is very unusual, and causes much confusion with regards to my "what should I do with my life (professionally, and otherwise) soul-search".

Anyhow, I felt very good bringing this piece into my composition lesson. As it had been some three weeks since my last lesson (and that was a very rocky lesson, to say the least), Prof. Bons was very interested to see how I was doing, however less interested in the actual music (at least a first). I told him about my meditation, my trip to London and Paris, and my personal progress in deciding my future. However, this was all complicated by the recent progress I was making in composition and the "fun", albiet it once lost, was beginning to come back. That being said, we came to the conclusion that it might be BECAUSE of my new-found peace in pursuing finance and economics that I allowed myself to have fun, thereby making it less of a "job". This actually coincides perfectly with my decision to abandon my large ensemble piece (which I would need to apply to grad school) in favor of (another) piano piece. When we looked at the piece, it was very fun to see a professional composer analyze my piece right in front of me, telling me what was working and why (despite it all being largely subconscious). All in all I was just tickled to death, and very excited to continue the work on my piece.

However, I would not be working on it anytime soon, as one of my best friends from Redlands was coming to visit Amsterdam! After the lesson, I called my friend, and made plans for dinner. I had the brilliant idea to take the three ladies from France to MKZ, a local vegan co-op that served food three nights a week at 5euro a plate. I had never been there, so I had no idea what to expect, and it was probably ill-advised to take my guests to such an unconventional, wash-your-own-dishes kind of place. I think it turned out pretty well, and I had a lot of fun (I'm not sure if everyone else did, I mean they said they did, but they might have just said that to avoid hurting my feelings). In the theme of halloween, all three courses featured pumpkin: pumpkin soup, roasted pumpkin, and some sort of candied pumpkin fruit cobbler for desert. Nothing short of phenomenal, and all for 5euro!

Afterwards, I took the ladies to Dam Square and the Red Light District, two of our only real tourist attractions we have in Amsterdam (at least compared to Paris, where they live, with the Eiffel tower and the Notre Dame). After some more wandering, we sat at a cafe and talked for a good long while. However, the ladies wanted to turn in pretty early, as the night before they were on a bus and were unable to sleep much. All is well, as we have quite an adventure planned for tomorrow!

Thursday, Oct. 27th. Day 61.

A most laid-back of Thursdays. No class till 2pm, casual practicing/writing and stuff around the apartment. Class was pretty interesting, two Brazilian composers presented their electro-acoustic work. Through the long discussions and listening to only snippets of Stockhausen-inspired synthesized sounds, I was very much in one of my "this is so not for me" moods. Of course, these thoughts were interrupted by playful inside jokes that only a trained musician would understand, thereby making me feel evermore apart of this subset of society. Much confusion, as usual.

Later, a few of us went to my friends apartment for dinner. Fried eggplant and pasta with a cream-less-mushroom-cream-sause. Good times, however interrupted by a skype call from his friends back home. Nonetheless, much needed good food and social interaction.

Wednesday, Oct. 26th. Day 60.

Day off day off! Woo hoo!...well, sort of. I tried to write and practice, with little avail. I just...I just had one of those days where I hate music. I can't quite explain it, but there was little, if anything, that could be done to get me motivated, inspired, or encouraged to write. This was probably compounded by the pressure to register for classes for next semester soon, and the decisions that come along with it (think, "will I go to grad school? should I take the GRE, do I have time for a job?") Long term, macro picture stuff, things that may either be totally out of my scope of control or ability to understand, but that is my specialty. I worry just for the sake of worrying. And it is taking a toll. Something's got to give, and I think I know what.

Tuesday, October 25th. Day 59.

A stark contrast to my success and productivity yesterday, today was not so good. Out of three classes/lessons, I only had one of them come to fruition. Dok, my music business class, went really well, however. For the second week in a row, we had a gentleman speak to us about marketing in music, a field that I, at least at this time, find far more interesting than actual music. The pinnacle of his presentation was a brief introduction to the "experience economy", as theorized by two American economists, Joseph Pine II and James Gilmore, in the Harvard Business Review in July of 1998. In this paper, Pine and Gilmore theorized that the economy would experience a fundamental shift in "what" was going to be bought and sold on a grand scale in the coming century. The speak about the evolution from commodities, to goods, to services, and finally to experiences (speaking of end users, that is). They claim that people are far more willing to shell out money for "experiences", with the goods and services thrown in, such as a memorable trip to Chuck-e-Cheese for a birthday, with a cake (the good) thrown in for free. With regards to marketing in music, the theory is that we, as performers and composers, need to find ways to integrate our art into experiences that will have far more economic clout in the future. Very very interesting stuff.

After this class, however, the day went rather south. My drum teacher didn't show up to my drum lesson, and my jazz teacher claimed to have changed our lesson time, so he refused to let me in the door saying I was late. Sheesh. What a lousy end to a decent day.

Monday, October 24th. Day 58.

While my first class wasn't until 7:30pm, I was actually able to get a lot done today. Mostly in the realm of composing, specifically on my jazz pieces for my Tuesday. For the first time in a long time, I was able to write for almost three hours today (not straight, of course, because of the 1.5 hour limit on practice room reservations, but a victory nonetheless).

Now my class, intro to live electronic music, was not all that great. For the third class in a row, we are still trying to get everyone's computers working with the programs and the patches. I know it is not easy, but comeon people! If there is one more class where nothing musical is discussed or made, I will drop out (even though that is far from an option, I am just tired of wasting time).

Saturday, October 22nd- Sunday, October 23rd. Days 56-57. Amsterdam

Good to be back. Pretty relaxed weekend, chores, casual socializing, grocery shopping, etc. I did go on a very informal first date with an attractive Dutch composition student. That was fun (and much needed, haha). We mostly talked about social politics and economics, and the differences between the Dutch and American systems. That was more than fine with me, but not what I usually talk with other musicians about. Truth be told, I think those kinds of exchanges are what make studying abroad so eye-opening. Getting the first-hand story about life in a different culture is important, if not crucial to getting the full study-abroad experience. Hopefully we can do it again soon!

Friday, October 21st. Day 55. Paris -> Amsterdam

Another early start to a long day of traveling. As there was, for some still unknown reason, a lot of people traveling to Amsterdam this weekend, I had to make two train changes, making the already lengthy journey a full day event. Anyway, leaving from Paris Noord at 11:50am, meant I was there at 10am to reserve my seat for the already booked train to Lille Flanders. Needless to say, there was a lot of hurry-up-and-wait. But, once on the train, all was well. It was my first time on a high speed train, and it was quite entertaining (especially the businessman sitting next to me trying to speak French to me the whole time).

Once in Flanders, there was another hour+ long wait for my train to Antwerp. As such, I decided to have some lunch. There was a sandwich shop inside the station, where thy had a sign (in english) for a "classic italian" sandwich, with the usual cold cuts and cheese and such. Anyway, I went inside, pointed at the sign and said "I would like the classic italian sandwich, please". The man behind the counter either spoke absolutely no english at all, or was just being a jerk (after being in Paris for a few days, I would not doubt the latter). After some more awkward gesturing and such, I was handed a bag with my sandwich in it. I took it outside, took a bite, only to find a mouth full of nasty, disgusting, mushy, tuna. I. Hate. Tuna. So, not the best final memory of my trip in France, but what can you do?

The train to Antwerp was fairly uneventful, with about 20 stops at which a few people would get on, a few get off, etc. Somehow, we managed to get more than 10 minutes off of schedule (aren't trains notorious for being ontime?), so I missed my train to Amsterdam. Waiting yet another hour in the Antwerp station, there was a huge crowd assembling on the platform for the Amsterdam bound train. As that train was also more than 10 minutes late, even more people had time to gather. I knew I only had one chance, so I decided to use my huge hiking pack as a ram to muscle my way onto the already packed train. There were but two seats in the car I was on, and I managed to snag one. Oh yea, I'm pretty pro.

Another few hours on the train, and I was quite ready to be home. I mean Amsterdam. But that is kind of my home, right? Needless to say, I learned a lot about myself and society traveling over 4 countries in 7 days, and hopefully I can manage to apply those lessons to my daily life as I go forward with the last half of my time at CvA.

Thursday, Oct. 20h. Day 54. Paris.

First on today's list of sights was the Arch de Triumph. It is almost sacrilege to say, but after being in Paris for a few days, sights like the Arch are becoming almost a nonevent. "Hey look, another priceless, instantly recognizable work of art...cool". Haha, ok maybe not quite that bad, but it is amazing that so many artifacts can be found in one town.

Speaking of priceless artifacts, next I visited the Musee de Louvre. Holy crap. That is all I have to say, really, I am having trouble articulating what I experienced. Once I got inside, I knew it was going to be hard to keep it together, so I decided to leave my camera with my bag at the coat check and just soak in everything I could. It turns out that was a very good decision. I was only able to see about one and one quarter wings of the 4(?) wing museum, but it took pretty much all day just to do that. Naturally, as I was at the Louvre, I started with the Italian Renaissance section, in order to, if nothing else, say I had seen the most iconic image of all time: the Mona Lisa. Much as I had heard, the painting was small and unassuming, but the crowd around it was vast and impenetrable. After spending at least a few hours casually wondering that wing, I went to the other (I forget the name) main wing, which housed a lot of Dutch and French baroque era art. I know I might be biased, as I am part Dutch now (sort of), but the Dutch really know how to paint. It is amazing that so much great art came out of a very small town in Northern Europe, a town that I now call home.

After the Louvre, I went to the Sacre-Coure at the suggestion of my friend-host. I had never heard of it, and was skeptical of finding anything really spectacular, especially after just leaving the most renowned art museum in the world. However, after climbing what must have been a thousand steps, I arrived at not only a very unique basilica, but also what has to be the best view of Paris in the whole city. I was a bit disappointed that I couldn't see the Eiffel Tower, but that didn't stop me from losing my ability to stand. I took a seat on the steps of the church and looked out on the most famous in modern times, and I...fell asleep. Yup, I took a little cat nap on the steps of the Sacre-Coure. Not many people could say they had done that, I do believe.

After my brief nap, I went to the train station to reserve my seat for my train back to Amsterdam. Much to my surprise, the trains to Amsterdam were all 100% booked for the whole weekend. Um, yea, my thoughts exactly. A high speed train leaves Paris Noord every hour all day for Amsterdam, and they were all booked? Anyway, I had to settle for a train to Lilly Flanders, in Northern France, where I would transfer to Antwerp, and then on the Amsterdam. But, the details of said journey will be saved for tomorrows post.

For dinner, I had the most local of French foods, a Donner Kebap. I am still not really sure what is in these things, all I know is they are pretty super. Anyway, after dinner, I went back to the hostel to re-check in (I had to check out because I had originally only booked two nights, which I soon realized would never be enough to see all I wanted to in Paris), and take another little nap before going out for a mutual friend's birthday.

With aspirations of getting into a very popular club called Duplex, we started the night at a local pub while waiting for the club to open. So it was me, two or three French guys, and what must have been at least 20 female American students. Needless to say, I was alright with those numbers. Despite all of this, we were unable to get into the club, as we were too big of a group of the wrong origin (apparently it is a big problem in Paris that all clubs are basically 100% American students, and they would rather have at least a more even mix). So after splitting our group up, the people I was with found a little cafe at which we had some awesome hot chocolate. Apparently it is pretty famous in France, although I have never heard anything of this. But it was very good. So good. Mmm, I can still taste it.

Wednesday, Oct. 19th. Day 53. Paris.

My friend and host had class this morning (unfortunate, right?) so I made slow progress getting ready to go. Once out, I met her at the Catacombs, a massive underground burial site from the 18th century. It is pretty crazy to think about how many people are buried there, or should I say, casually placed upon one another.

After parting ways (she had more class, can you imagine?!) with my friend, I made my way to the Musee d'Orsay, home to one of the most impressive collections of impressionist and post impressionist art in the world. It was stunning, despite several rooms being closed.

At the d'Orsay, I saw several Rodin sculptures. Naturally, since Rodin is one of my top 5 favorite artists of any medium, I had to go to the Musee Rodin next. That, well, it was just breathtaking. Just between the Gates of Hell and the Thinker, I was blown away. I haven't had a chance to preview the pictures of that trip yet, but there are probably no less than 200 of this sculpture garden alone.

Next I tried to find the Musee National d'Art Moderne, but for some reason, google maps thought I asked for the Modern Art Museum Villa. So I walked a few kilometers in the wrong direction, only to find a museum closed for set of of some display in which I had no interest. Once I did find the museum I was looking for, it was well worth the time (and did I mention that all museums in France are free if you are an EU student? Winning!). Located in the magnificent Centre Pompidou, a work of art in itself, this museum did not disappoint. Again, I would have to review the pictures just to refresh my memory of all that I saw, but I was amazing! Other than that, I did lose my coat check number, so it was pretty fun trying to get my stuff back from employees that spoke english about as well as I spoke French.

For dinner I went to a cafeteria near the museum called "Flunch". It was nothing to particularly write home about, especially compared to last night's dinner, but it was nice. The real kicker of the evening was hearing local jazz at a cafe near the Moulin Rouge. The performance took place in a converted wine cellar, so the vibe just added to the experience. Not to mention I got to meet a bunch of new people studying with my friend.

Tuesday, October 18th. Day 52. London -> Paris

Today started way way way too early. In order to catch the bus to Paris at 8am, I had to be there to check in at 7am, which meant I had to leave the hostel at 6am, which meant waking up at 5am. Just...no...that was bad planning on my part. With much effort and struggling, I managed to make it to the bus station in plenty of time, seeing that we didn't end up leaving on-time anyway. All in all, while the bus trip was very long and not very interesting, it was far better than the trip from Amsterdam to London, on which we made several stops, the bus was packed, and we spent a lot of time at customs. This time, customs was a breeze, but traffic was pretty bad (coming into Paris during rush hour). We were about an hour late coming in, which threw off my scheduling, but thats ok.

After navigating the metro to my hostel, I found a good friend of mine from Redlands waiting for me. She was such an amazing host, it is unbelievable! But more on that later. Checking in at the Aloha Hostel (cool name, right?) in the 15th district, was cake, and the rooms were nice. Everything about the hostel was great except for the lack of interent. There was internet, but it rarely worked, at all. But that wasn't that important (except for updating this blog), since I was in Paris after all, it helped me get out of the hostel and enjoying the sights!

After checking into the hostel, my friend and I decided to find something to eat. As the local of the group, I just let her do the navigating. Little did I know, we were taking something of a detour. Upon emerging from the metro station, I saw the Notre Dame (yes, I know every church in France is called the Notre Dame, but this was THE Notre Dame). In all honesty, I had a hard time keeping it together while experiencing this amazing structure that I have heard and studied so much about (thank you art history!). It is nothing short of unbelievable that this was built so many hundreds of years ago, and still inspires awe like no other.

After walking around a bit more, we settled on a little hole-in-the-wall French restaurant, at which we were the only people (it was like 7pm after-all, which is very early for the locals to be sitting down to a meal). Being in Paris, my friend insisted that it was nothing short of obligatory that I eat escargot. I was not entirely enthused at the idea, but I muscled through it nonetheless. Truth be told, they weren't all that bad, when you managed to forget that you were eating snails, which wasn't that easy, as you had to manually extract them from their shells. I also had pan seared duck, which was devine! I am not sure I have ever had duck before, but that is something I will be sure to have again!

After dinner, my host had one more surprise up her sleeve. The most stereotypical Parisian surprise of them all: the Eiffel Tower. This structure is just magnificent, and not just because it is THE most recognizable fixture in THE most visited city on earth. Something about it, I don't know how to describe it. It just flows, it has character that few building do. And that's the other thing, it isn't even really a building at all! It is a tower, one that serves no real purpose (besides being later adapted as a radio antenna). Just a stunning structure, and a night that I will never forget!

Monday, October 17th, Day 51

Not to be melodramatic, but I think this day might influence the rest of my life. First thing in the morning, I went to the campus of the prestigious London School of Economics. I don't know why it took me so long to think to visit the most credible and influential economics institution on the planet, but once I did, it was well worth my time. Aside from being a beautiful (albeit small) campus in the middle of London, I fel so at home! Just passing through the crowds of (all english speaking) students, I couldn't help but smile at their small talk, which was almost exclusively polite debate about macroeconomic trends, but a little bit of trading banter and such. After perusing their literature, I decided to meet with a graduate admissions councilor to chat casually about what they look for in a candidate, how to apply, visas, etc. As it turns out, there is a two year masters program in economics and econometrics (the European masters is normally one year) that is geared towards students who are qualified, but not necessarily experienced in economics, academically speaking. After leaving the meeting, I tried not to yell out-loud "I know what I'm doing with my life!" (if you have been following this blog or have known me for more than 5 minutes, you know this "what am I doing with my life" dilemma is a big deal to me) I know it has only been five days since this has happened, but I really do feel like this is the right path. Hopefully as more time passes, I can more accurately analyze this path without the leftover excitement of the initial visit.

After leaving the LSE campus (which took a while, trust me. I just didn't want to leave!), I went to the British Museum. Forgive my ignorance, but I was expecting, I don't know, British things? Instead, it was a museum dedicated exclusively to the spoils of British imperialism over the ages. Don't get me wrong, seeing the Rosetta Stone in person was pretty amazing, but I didn't stick around to long.

Next came the Tate Britain, the sister museum to the Tate Modern. As the divergence in the names would suggest, the Britain is mostly non-modern art. While it was much smaller than the Modern, it was still a great collection. There was one particular video installation called A Tumor (I believe). It was pretty amazing. I especially liked the sound design that went with it (7.2 surround sound with lots of explosive bass drops and such).

Later was the National Galleries. This massive museum is home to an expansive collection of non-modern art, which is not really my favorite. They did have a great room full of Cezanne and Van Gogh, which was by far my favorite.

To top off the night, Tristian and I found a great old pub called the Coal Hole (awesome name, hu?) Such a great crowd, and a great vibe. Hopefully I get into the LSE, so I can have a good excuse to go back to London soon!

Sunday, October 16th, Day 50. London

Today was decidedly less active than yesterday, probably for the best. After waking up and moping around the hostel for a few hours, I met my friend at the Tate Modern Museum of Art. After only a short while in the museum, my friend went to a concert, while I opted out for a far more preferable oppertunity: fresh fish and chips at a real British pub on the Thames river. I think I love food a little too much, because I think that was my favorite thing I have done in London thus far. Granted, it was a relatively simple dish from a little local place, but I think that is what made it so special. It made me feel like I live here, and I liked it so much it made me feel like I have always lived here (or was always meant to). After wondering around some more, I went to Charing Cross to walk around and window shop. It was not too long before I felt more tired than I have in a very long time. That being said...I think it is nap time

Saturday, October 15th. London, UK. Birthday

What a crazy crazy bus ride. First of all, its a bus, like a Greyhound bus kind of thing, so we kind of knew it wouldn't be great. But the line to check in was a sign of things to come. Long long long, in length and in time. Once on the bus, it was pretty smooth sailing, except for several stops to pick up more passengers (which we didn't expect, and had to keep rearranging our seating to accommodate the additional people). The real kicker was the boarder crossing from Belgium to France. Not that there was anything particularly interesting about it, other than the fact that it was like 100 feet from the boarder check from France to the UK (on the European side of the channel). So we had to go through the whole thing again (although the British were much more thorough, as we were warned they would be). Once through, we put the bus on a train (right?) to go under the English channel (right?!?). This leg was particularly uncomfortable, as we couldn't see what was going on, but were bouncing along something feroce. Once in the UK, it was a fairly straight shot to London, but the bus driver was steadily loosing his touch with the clutch, further making any sleep impossible (it was an overnight bus, so the idea was to save money on lodging by sleeping on the bus...so much for that idea).

Upon arriving at the coach station, at 4:30am (an hour before we had even planned to be there), we were all cold, tired, lost, and very confused. After stumbling around for some time, we eventually resolved to part ways and find our respective lodging (the other two were staying with friends, and I in a hostel). This too was quite interesting, catching the first tube on a Saturday morning with all the left-over partiers from the night before. It took quite some time for me to find my hostel on the Isle of the Dogs, in East London, not exclusively because more than half of the underground system was shutdown for maintenance. However, I did finally make it to The Great Eastern, several hours before they would let me check in. So I dropped off my pack, and returned to the streets.

Like any uninformed traveler would (I suspect), I set out to find the touristy stuff on my own and to get my bearings. So in a whirlwind of mapless fury, I managed to see (not necessarily visit, mind you) darn near everything I knew I wanted to see in London, in a matter of 6 hours. Big Ben, Houses of Parlement, Westminster Abby, The Eye, Buckingham Palace, The financial District, Tower of London, London Bridge, Tower Bridge...it was nuts. After the nonsense, I stopped for lunch at an upscale Italian joint on Piccadilly (hey, its my birthday after all, I deserve a little luxury every now and then). However, a big lunch combined with no sleep and non-stop travel, led me to quickly retire to the hostel, despite it being but 3pm.

Now I am sitting in said hostel, planning my next move. How to celebrate my birthday in London, alone? Well, I do whatever the heck I want, I suppose!

Friday, October 14th, Day 48

Not much to report so far. The Eurolines bus for London leaves at 1900 hrs, so after waking for my ridiculously early jazz trio rehearsal, I spent most of the day getting ready for the trip. Cleaning, doing laundry, packing, researching, etc. That is really all there is to say at this point. Tomorrow I will be in London. Tomorrow I will be 20 years old. What a life...

Thursday Oct 13th, Day 47.

As usual, my aspirations to wake up early and get to working on my piece were dashed by the comfort of my bed. After an extra hour or so of unplanned sleeping in, I awoke to find an increasingly rare sight in Amsterdam...sun! The weather was so very nice today, it was unbelievable (well, it wasn't any better, or anything close for that matter, to the weather in Cali, but something about having like 6 days of straight rain make the sun that much nicer)! Once I finally got into the practice room, I noticed I had a message on my cell. It was my comp professor telling me that I wouldn't have a lesson that day. Since I was in the practice room to scramble some music together for that very lesson, I somehow felt cheated (even though 1. I had procrastinated anyway and, 2. I was now effectively a week ahead). So I quickly corrected that by leaving the practice room in favor of the sun.

In composers' forum, we looked at the work of a Hungarian graduate student and one of our professors (Richard Ayres). Both were quite interesting, in very very different ways. Matyas' work was based on microtonality in pop music, and Richard's music was based on being weird as all hell. The first piece or Richards was a soundtrack he recorded for an art film, in which a ghost of an old man performs fellatio on six men, through holes in a wall. It was, disturbing to say the least.

To top off an already awesome day, my friends that live above me threw me an awesome birthday party, complete with tons of people I didn't know. It was quite a fun night. But I had to head out early, as tomorrow I am leaving for London...

Wednesday Oct 12th, Day 46.

Yay my day off! Well, sort of. I was attempting to practice early in the morning, but I barley made it to sign up for the afternoon rooms. Typical. I ran some errands, picked up some birthday cards from my aunt and cousin, got a photo taken for an idea card, and went to write some music. I didn't get very far in the writing, in fact, I ended up meditating for more than an hour in my practice room instead of writing. All in all, I think it was time well spent. I have never made it quite that long before, and it made me feel very...weird. I felt like I was in a haze for about 20 minutes after finishing, I think they call it being relaxed. In any event, I found it quite interesting, and I would like to try it again, with the desire to increase my attention span. Afterwards, I went to the library to study calculus, but didn't make it very far, as my calculator died. Guess we'll have to try again tomorrow.

Saturday, October 8th (day 42) - Tuesday, October 11th (day 45)

Saturday, I went shopping. Well, not so much shopping as looking for a bag for my trip. It was much more difficult that I had planned to find a store that sold backpacks and luggage and stuff like that. However, I did finally end up buying a sweet North Face duffel back-pack. Happy birthday to me! Speaking of birthday, I also sent my dad's gift in the mail (which was way too expensive). I really think he is going to enjoy in Laguiole. Later on that night, some friends and I went on a failed adventure, only to end up in an Irish pub singing 90's pop hits with some locals. Classic.

Sunday started with brunch at a friends. Fresh made pannekoeken is a beautiful thing, let me tell you. Believe it or not, I think that is the only noteworthy thing I did all day!

Monday was my catch up day for being so inactive over the weekend. I wrote (or tried to write) some music, practiced drumset, and had live-electronics class. I have to admit, I am a little disappointed in the class, only because I had set up expectations for the class that are not coming true. I was really hoping to learn the programing/composition side of live electronic music, but this class is clearly focused on performance, which is fine, but I do not consider myself a performer in many aspects.

Today was loooong. Starting with my counseling appointment (or as I call it, a visit with my shrink), leading right into practice, music business class, straight into a lesson, and then to my arranging lesson. I have finally decided to seek the advise of a psychologist, seeing as the school councilor can only do so much for me. I anticipate that I may be referred to a psychiatrist for assessment and possible diagnoses of ADHD, however I am going to keep an open mind. Music business class was very interesting today, talking about marketing in music. Further proof that I am more suited for the business world, I was very engaged in the discussion of labor market trends and supply/demand principles of marketing. The rest of the class seemed to be falling asleep, while I took several pages of furious notes. My drum set lesson went well also, however it is quite exhausting to be nit-picked that much. I also mentioned to my drum teacher my problems with concentration and motivation, at which he advised me to seek out a book entitled "Effortless Mastery". I have heard many musicians mention this book, and I think it will be very helpful to read it. It was also encouraging to hear that my teacher, who is a veritable drumming god, has ben through several periods of his life where he felt burnt out and wanted to quit. However, he also expressed an early affinity for music and drumming, saying he always thought about drumming and couldn't wait to get home from school so he could play. I honestly can't say if I can recall ever feeling that way, at least about drumming. Maybe music in genearl. Or anything. It is rather frustrating, feeling so lost, adrift even, like I don't know my place. Or maybe I do, and I am afraid to admit it. I'm still not sure. I just can't say...

Friday October 7th. Day 41

What a day! Jazz combo in the morning, went pretty well. It is quite exhausting to nit-pick the whole rehearsal, but I know that is what we have to do to get better. After a brief, self-imposed freak-out session about deadlines/workload/priorities, I sat in a practice room for a good few hours and tried to teach myself jazz harmony. Needless to say it was quite difficult, but I do feel that I have a better understanding because of it.

A while later, after resolving to not spend another Friday night alone in the room, I went to a concert at the Muziekgebouw with some IES friends and their friend from Argentina. The Amsterdam Sinfonietta performed Ralph Vaughan Williams's Fantasia on a theme by 'Thomas Tallis, Henry Purcell, Matthew Locke, Bach's Violin Concerto no. 2, and Britten's Serenade for Tenor and Horn (!). Needless to say, the concert was stunning. It wasn't until mvmt 5 that I remembered that the Serenade was, if I remember correctly, the first piece I ever "studied" (I put that in quotes because I didn't really understand how to score study at this time, so I was mostly just reading along with the recording. That would also explain why I didn't remember studying it).

After the concert, my friend's friend invited us all to his place for dinner (despite the fact that is was quite late at this point). He whipped us up some dang good pasta with homemade sause, and we listened to music and all that good stuff. By around 2am, we had noticed that someone in the room below him was having way too much fun, so we decided to investigate. It turns out that they were having a housewarming party, as they had just moved in. Somehow, the entire apartment complex is comprised of solely music students and musicians. Most of the people at the party had already graduated, so it was great to meet some new people. All in all, it was such a great ending to a day that began rather benign.

October 2nd (d36) - October 6th (d40)

Ok, so, I'm really getting worse and worse at this blogging thing. I cant believe I let 4 more days go by without even thinking about running a blog. To top it off, I am going to do the lazy thing and not go into great detail about much of my week thus far...

Sunday and Monday I was out with a cold or sinus infection or something, so there was not much going on except me being sick. Tuesday goes down as one of the worst days I have had here. Counseling: getting told that my problems are all man-made and all my fault, and the best way to fix them is to man up and get over it (while that might very well be true, it was not a good way to start my day, that's for sure). Missed my Dok class because I didn't know it was going to be at the NMC, so I missed the tour and discussion on something I was actually interested in. I got less than half of the lesson I expected on drums, so I felt totally jipped there. And my jazz arranging lesson was bad too; I felt like my teacher was making no effort to hear me out on my questions, like, what the heck are you talking about? What does that mean? Why does this work and why does that not? Nope, no help at all. Just blazed through the material and expects me to have it by next week. Sorry to let you down, but that 'ain happenin'.

Wednesday was good to try and get my life back in some sort of order. I tried to find a backpack for my week long trip (which I didn't find, and it looks like people may be bailing on the trip...). I did find my dad a birthday present, a Forge de Laguiole folding knife to replace his broken Laguiole that he has had forever. I felt pretty accomplished for being able to find this piece, it is quite a tool. Other than that, I spent some quality time in the library brushing up on my calculus. Gonna need to be on top of my game if I'm going to come back to Redlands and be a financial economics major. Then we had a few people over for dinner, and that is always fun!

Today was a pretty good day. Started way too early, in a practice room trying to get ready for my lesson. Said composition lesson went very very well too. My comp teacher really liked my piece (after totally scrapping the last one that we both hated), despite it being a piano piece, which I already have. NMA concert was very, interesting. I felt like I was pretty much out of my element with all of the electronic multi-media dissonant crazy ultra modern sound art.

Ok, so I'll try to keep up with the blog more, but no promises...

Wednesday 9-28 (d.32) - Saturday 10-1 (d.35) (how did I let this happen again?)

Some how I can manage to skip several days of blogging without even noticing. In any event, I will try and recall the events of the last few days:

Wednesday was again one of my days off (hurray!). However, it was not without it's colorful events. My day began with yet another trip to the ABC to get a new Moleskine, this one to be dedicated to my "career/life search". So I sat down at a cafe for an hour or so and broke that sucker in. Shortly after that, we had an IES COREgroup Meeting at one of the UvA buildings. While I found this meeting to be on the totally useless side of things, it was a good reminder of how few of our group I see on a daily basis, much less in the last month. I am very much secluded from the group at large, living in a different building and going to a different school than 85% of the other IES students. I can't say I really mind all that much, haha.

Afterwards I went to a bookstore called Boekhandel van Rossum, which is owned by the aunt of a friend of mine from the University of Redlands in Ca. It was nice to speak to someone who had lived here for so long (more than 20 years), yet could sympathise with an American point-of-view. She was very hospitable and gave me the lo-down on her store, the neighborhood, and the city. I can not wait to see her again; such a good local contact to have!

Thursday I had but one class (Prof. Bons is in Hong Kong and I dropped out of my Debussy, Stravinsky, and Ravel class), composers forum. This week we heard from two more masters students, one from Switzerland and the other from Mexico. I still find it quite curious how "direct" everyone is here, especially in forum and masterclass settings. I have heard that "the Dutch people aren't rude, they are just direct", but I did not really know what that meant until forum. For example, a professor asks a student why he chose to reference the three movement classical concerto form in his one movement concerto. I am not sure anyone could really defend a personal artistic decision like that other than by saying "that is what I wanted to do". So this is what the student said. The professor kept insisting that there has to be a better reason for such a limiting decision, since if you were going to write a one movement concerto, you should just write a one movement concerto and do whatever you want with it. I personally do not see the point of this particular argument, but it was just an example of what happens in forum. When these discussions take place, the room often falls silent; you could cut the tension with a knife! I feel very uncomfortable, especially when I try to imagine myself in that situation. No thank you! I have enough trouble convincing myself of why I choose to write what I do, let alone a room full of probing Dutch students!

Later that evening I went to Cable at the Melkweg. This time it was a much smaller crowd in a much smaller room, but the music was just as good. The friend that went and I did not last very long, however, as we had easily talked (or tried to I should say) to all of the women in the club in under an hour. Nonetheless, it was enough to make me sufficiently tired for Friday's classes.

Friday began with my jazz trio at 10am (much too early for jazz, would you not agree?). However, this time we actually had a pianist, as opposed to the professor playing as he had for the past two weeks. Somehow, having a student pianist (even a relatively good one, as this gent was), seemed to really cause some problems that we had not had before. These problems were compounded, as the pianist is a weak reader and the bass player does not know any tunes. Needless to say, we spent much of the rehearsal trying to micromanage some changes and rhythms that I am not used to spending so much time on (at least not here). After returning to my room and trying to nap my way back to normal, I had my second jazz composition/arranging lesson. I was a bit nervous to show my first jazz composition ever, but it went over very well I believe. The professor is quite knowledgeable. To top it off, we spent a large portion of the lesson discussing arranging for horns as done by the masters. I was blown away! I have played and listened to big band jazz for more than half of my life, but I never knew why something sounded the way it did! It was like having the tonic-dominate relationship explained to you for the first time, a real "Ah-HA!" moment. At the time, I had almost decided that this (jazz comp) was the key! This is what I was missing! I have been miserable because I was pursuing the wrong concentration! It was not half an hour after the lesson that this fever died down, and I diagnosed that I was merely excited by the accelerated learning curve of a new discipline, rather than true "love at first sight" (if that exists). As the afternoon turned into evening, I quickly noticed that slight exhaustion and sore throat that comes just before a cold, so I knew this was going to be a slow weekend...

Sure enough, come Saturday morning, I have been hit. Today was spent mostly in bed, watching economics documentaries and Mad Money, with one trip out of doors to research my Eurail Pass for October break. In hindsight, even that was too much. I really need to lie low and get well. Good thing I have Monday off!